Know What Grinds My Gears?

Isn't there anything more interesting on Blogspot than other people's book reviews?! I swear.. I hit "Next Blog" at least 14 times and the most exciting thing I found were pictures of butterflies.

Don't worry, people. I'm here.

I promised a couple of days ago I would include a story pertaining to the win fail situation. It still grinds my gears, and this is me getting it off my chest. Ahem...

So... Our residence hall held a competition for all the dorm rooms to decorate their suite door and they would judge the winner. Winner? Of course it'll be our suite.... And here's why. For one, I live in a suite of 6 guys, including myself, on a hall of 7 other suites. All of which are girls. Now guys.. cough.. men, don't usually jump at the thought of decorating. That's the kicker. We have the element of surprise. No one expects a suite full of men to participate in a decorating competition, which is exactly why we participated. Secondly, it's decorating a door. Seriously? How many people in the building do you think would take part anyway? Thus, two good reasons for us to accept the challenge and have greater odds of winning. So we decorated. And decorated. For two and a half days. We bought wrapping paper, construction paper, Christmas lights, ribbon, bows, even little bendy figurines to put each one of our faces in. It was the best damn dorm door you've ever seen. We created a scene, with a Christmas tree and presents and ornaments and a fireplace burning in the background. I even made a mantelpiece out of cardboard to hang our stockings. Awh, how cute. We strung enough Christmas lights along the walls beside our door that you could land a 747 on our balcony. Not to mention I live in the most multi-cultural suite ever, so we also have a menorah, dradles, star and crescents, and the Dome of the Rock adorning the door for our token Jew and Muslim. Our door's now become a giant COEXIST bumper sticker. Now calm yourselves. I know you're chomping at the bit to see this "sacrosanct spectacle." I will oblige.

Here comes the fail part. After working for two and a half days on this door in order to "win," we were awarded with a certificate. A CERTIFICATE. An 8.5" x 11" piece of paper that reads, "Congratulations." Oh, and we earned the distinction of being "Most Mantastic." By the way, we weren't the only ones to win either. Nope. Four other doors won certificates too. Are you kidding me?? It's like being in elementary school or playing tee ball, when everyone got a trophy for just showing up! Biggest waste of a weekend ever. Well there was that one time..., but I digress.

Now, on to more pressing matters.

I want to bring up a topic that seems to be everywhere nowadays. I mean everywhere. In the news, TV, movies, magazines, books, Internet, t-shirts, imagination. I'm talking about vampires. Specifically those... Twilight ones. Remember back when vampires used to be.. uhm.. feared? Yeah you know. Bvlahh... blood sucking... death. Now.. it's just disappointing. Twilight vampires are pretty much just emo kids with sharp teeth, sparkly skin, and weird diets. That reminds me.. sparkly skin. What the hell? Where did that aspect of vampirism come from? If Buffy were still around, she'd kick their ass for just being shiny. And daylight friendly vampires? Really? Wanna just go ahead and bottle some blood for them so they don't have to hunt either? Oh right, True Blood already did that.

But let me try to get this Twilight twaddle straight. It's about an emo girl, falling for an equally emo vampire guy. She's moving to live with her dad in a small, lonely Washington town where she knows no one. He's been alive for.... a long ass time, and doesn't want to spend eternity alone. Apart, they suffer from their loneliness. Together, they have hesitant, cautious, 20 minute long make out sessions, where it takes 15 of those minutes before they ever touch lips. No wonder it's so popular. How could I not see it before? But what really gets me is the last two books. They have sex. Sorry to ruin it. They do. You knew it was coming, don't pout at me. You've already read it 6 times anyway. Here's the thing. For the honeymoon, he ships her off to some remote island, where they stay alone in a house. And they have sex. A lot of sex. A lot of rough sex. Yes, rough. So let me recap here. He takes her off to an island, where they are alone, and he has his way with her, usually ending in bruising and contusions. Sounds similar to rape to me... They're off alone, no one to help, screaming won't do any good. And the book romanticizes this. Yes, I said it. Twilight makes rape seem romantic. Interpret it how you will, but that's my reading. And 13 year old girls read this. It makes them want a vampiric lover like Edward Cullen. Ah, so heartwarming.

But it's not the little 13 year old girls that are obsessed with it that bothers me. Oh no. It's the moms. The 40 year old moms who go to these movies with their other mom friends and lose their minds over this nonsense. Not just the storyline, but these "eye-candy" actors, if they can be called actors. Come on, you're 40. Taylor Lautner is 16. I'm not positive but, that could be illegal. Oh but it's OK, because it's women who are saying it. Now if a man went to the movies, and commented on the attractiveness of a young female movie star, I'd bet every dollar that the women would gather their torches and pitchforks and rant about how disgusting such a statement was. Men, learn from this. We be damned in any and everything we do. Deal with it. Like a boss.

Bleh, enough of that Twilight mess. I'm getting woozy from all the gayness.